Are some of us made to be single?

Today, I was talking with my brilliant friend who is currently living and working elsewhere, which forces us to communicate by Skype. I love speaking to her because we are always on the same page. We adhere to different religions and we haven’t always thought so alike but she always makes sense to me. This time we got onto the subject of men. This subject crops up quite often and she’ll tell me what’s going on with her and I’ll let her know the same for me. We give each other advice or, if we don’t know what to do and the situation is just too rubbish, we talk it out and it always feel better afterwards. This is what girl friends are for! J

 

Today we spoke about relationships, or sometimes those friendships that are developing into a relationship, which never seem to work out for us. It’s all going well, you’re getting on well and then he messes it up or you mess it up and the situation is irreparable. Or someone you are not attracted to falls for you, you feel awful, he feels awful, the friendship is ruined forever. Yay. Or (and this is what happens most often to me…) you decide that you like someone but you don’t want to pursue it because, to be quite honest, you’re just sick to the back teeth of being lied to or hurt. A typical situation: he decides he likes you, he convinces you that this will not happen with him. See how it goes, get to know each other, I really like you, you’re so pretty blah blah blah…you end up talking for hours. It sounds pretty harmless, right? Wrong. If you are like me, you may be friends with men but you do not open up to just anyone who comes along. I am not a soppy person but if I feel confident enough to utter those horribly sentimental words, ‘I like you’, I’m either drunk or you’ve earned my trust. Now if it’s the latter, when that person decides ‘Nah, I actually don’t like you that much anymore’ or you can see that their enthusiasm is waning, it is crushing (this is the word my friend used, and I think it’s pretty accurate).

This has recently happened to me and I’m pretty sick of it. I don’t want to keep waiting for the next one to come around, to go through the motions of liking them, talking to them, considering the possibility that this might go somewhere…and then being disappointed again. No, thanks! I have always thought that ‘the right one’ would come around and that it would work out. That’s how God would make it happen because it happened for my parents and my sisters and look at their beautiful families. I’m not so sure that is the case for everyone. I really don’t know if God has designed us all for marriage and a family. Yes, I want it more than anything, but I’m not sure if God made me for that purpose.  Now, I know you’re all thinking, “But you’re only 23! You’re just a baby. Give it time, wait around, there are plenty of fish in the sea”. Yes, and I notice that everyone who says that is married with children. Clearly marriage happened for you and I am over the moon for you, but I cannot carry on believing that God made us all for marriage. There are plenty of people who are lovely and very eligible who have never found someone to marry. Why is that?

If this is what I’m supposed to do, if I am supposed to be single for the rest of my life (and I am almost sure that I am not made for religious life), then I think I should come to terms with it now rather than wasting my time with relationships which will come to nothing and ultimately hurt me more and more each time.

 

Is there anyone else who agrees with me? 

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7 thoughts on “Are some of us made to be single?

  1. Oh, youth is so wasted on the young! It’s so long since I was 23 that I can hardly remember being that age, but I think that if I had just finished at university and had the opportunity of living and working in Rome, I wouldn’t be too worried about settling down with anyone just yet. You’ve got plenty of years ahead to devote yourself to the man of your dreams and the dozen children you’ll have together, so I’d enjoy the time for ‘you’ that you have at the moment – in years to come I expect you’ll be looking back at this time fondly and either regretting that you didn’t or grateful that you did make the most of it!

    Actually, I think that your move to Rome may have been a subconscious sign that you didn’t want to be serious about a guy for a while. After all, so many of the cassock-wearing guys in Rome are already spoken for, and you really wouldn’t want to settle down with a mamma’s boy Italian. So with your options there being somewhat limited maybe you’d better forget about guys for the moment, and trust that God has his Bryn or Dafydd or Geraint or Neirin waiting for you when you come home? 🙂

    • Dear Wise Old Man,

      How wise you are. Maybe you’re right that I moved here because I’m not ready to settle down. Every man and his dog has been in seminary here…and it’s true that I don’t want an Italian.

      But really, don’t you think that there are some people who are not supposed to get married? I look at lots of people who are unhappy in their marriages, who seem like they should never have got married…lots of people separate or get divorced and are much better alone. Maybe this is a cross given to us by God?

      I do trust in God. I know that if/when he wants me to meet someone, that I’m ready for that. But then, also I think sometimes that I am like the man who is waiting to be saved from the flood on the roof of his house, who rejects all the boats and planes sent to save him because he’s sure that God is coming to save him and in the end he drowns. I keep rejecting people who I’m not attracted to or who are totally inappropriate, but maybe these are people that God is sending me? Maybe this last person was someone sent by God and I messed it up and God is up there massively frustrate because I’m such a numpty?!

      I hope I’m not wasting my youth, but it’s hard to know what to do sometimes… I need your advice, old wise man!

  2. Well, young Rhos, it is commendable that you are able to appreciate the wisdom of an old man. As it happens I think you were quite right to ditch those inappropriate or unattractive fellows that you mentioned. They clearly weren’t suitable for you…at least just at the moment. If they get a job, start brushing their teeth and hair, change their allegiance to the Welsh rugby team, and stop going to the Sunday evening folk-Mass, then maybe you could reconsider them in the future, but for now I think you’re right to kick them into touch.

    You ask whether some people are not supposed to marry. Well…I thought I would be married by the time I was 25 but I am now so old and forgetful I can’t remember what exactly happened with that plan. So maybe it doesn’t matter too much whether we marry or stay single because later on in life we’re likely to have forgotten all about it anyway? 😉

    As for God being frustrated that you’re a numpty and have missed the guy he sent you, don’t be so daft! He knows we’re a bunch of numpties and has a great laugh about it. Thankfully, because of that he makes the really important decision pretty clear to us, so you’ll know who your knight in shining armour is (even if, heaven forbid, he doesn’t support the Welsh rugby team) when the time comes.

    Until then, dear young Rhos, don’t worry about it….enjoy the late October sunshine…delight in the sights of Rome…savour the gelato at the Piazza Navona…and have a happy Sunday 🙂

    P.S. Is it really true that they let dogs into seminaries nowadays. My oh my!

  3. Do I think some people are meant to be single? Yes (By accident or design, I have not yet married (and time is pushing on for me), so I’m not one of the married ones, saying this from the safe haven of a family)). Do I think you should be making that decision for you right now? No. You’re too young to be writing off the possibility of “the one” turning up. I think Wise Old Man has the right attitude – enjoy the sojourn in Rome. Just don’t fall for a cleric!

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